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Anal play for beginners: a gentle guide

Anal play has a reputation for being complicated or painful. It does not need to be either. With the right toy, plenty of lube and no rush, it can be one of the most intense sensations there is, for every body. This guide covers what you need and how to start.

The three rules

  • Lube, lots of itThe body does not make its own lubrication here. Use a thick water-based gel or silicone lube, and reapply.
  • Go slowlyMuscles relax when they are ready, not when you want them to. Breathe out as you go in.
  • Flared base onlyAnything that goes in must have a wide base so it cannot slip inside. No exceptions.

Why it feels good

The area around the anus is packed with nerve endings. For people with a prostate, it sits a few centimetres inside, towards the front, and responds to gentle pressure. For people with a vulva, anal play can stimulate the deeper parts of the clitoris through the wall. Either way, the sensation is different from anything else, and many people describe it as fuller and deeper.

Your first toy

A small silicone plug is the best start. It is designed to sit comfortably once in, so you can get used to the feeling without any movement. The Loving Joy small silicone plug costs under £10. When you are ready for more, a Toosh metal plug is heavier and can be warmed or cooled.

Anal beads are another gentle option: they get gradually larger, and the feeling of them coming out is the point. Try the Loving Joy Triple Ripple.

If you have a prostate and want to go further, see our prostate massagers.

Which lube

A thick water-based gel such as Sliquid Organics Natural Gel is safe with every toy. Silicone lube lasts longer but can damage silicone toys, so test it first. We do not recommend numbing lubes: discomfort is a signal to slow down, and numbing it makes it easier to get hurt. More in our lube guide.

Step by step

  1. Go to the toilet first, then shower. Some people like to douche, but it is optional: use plain lukewarm water, and not every day.
  2. Relax properly. Start with other things you enjoy.
  3. Lube the toy and the outside generously.
  4. Start with a finger or the tip of the toy, pressing gently while you breathe out.
  5. Stop and hold still if anything feels sharp. A feeling of fullness is normal; pain is not.
  6. Take it out slowly too.
Never move a toy from anal to vaginal use without washing it first, and never share anal toys without a condom or a thorough clean.

Cleaning up

Wash the toy in warm, soapy water or with a toy cleaner, dry it and store it on its own. Our toy care guide has the details for each material.

Browse all anal toys. Every order arrives in a plain box, with nothing on the outside to say what is inside.